If you are like me, you might be stubborn at times to listen to others advice or shut down because you are so stuck in your thinking. In this episode, I share three ways to be your own coach to help you get unstuck, overcome resistance and access new approaches to challenges or getting to the next level of success. One of these methods is one I use with my private clients and have never shared before. So listen to the end to hear about that powerful technique that is super simple and amazingly powerful to open up creativity, new approaches, and get answers to questions that will help you get unstuck and create greater direction and clarity.
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Coach Yourself To Get Unstuck
On this show, our goal is to help you invest your time more wisely so that you can take back time in the future. That means, do things more effectively and efficiently so that you can spend more time doing the things that are most important and that are going to drive you forward faster in whatever it is you’re looking to achieve. I want to talk about how to coach yourself. As a professional coach, I work with a lot of different people, a lot of different personality types. Some people are eager to be coached and even though some people pay me to coach them, they still are resistant to the coaching. There are a lot of highly skilled people who are already functioning at a high level. I’m very aware that they already have most of the skills that they need in order to be successful, in order to take themselves to the next level but they’re just hitting a plateau.
I help them coach themselves and what that means is, after I see some resistance to some of the counsel that I might be giving them and some of the questions that I’m giving them, I ask them one simple question to help them coach themselves and that takes them immediately out of resistance. Before I get there, and I know you’re like, “Tell me.” What’s important to understand is if you find yourself in this position, you can use this technique for yourself. For instance, if you’re working with a coach or you’re talking to a mentor and you find yourself with a, “Yes but,” and you’re listening but you’re also having that. In there, that’s keeping you from taking in what they’re saying or from the things that might come up in your head that says, “That applies to them but that doesn’t apply to my situation because and so forth.”
Whenever you find yourself in resistance like that, then turn it on yourself. What I ask people is, “If you were coaching someone in this situation and I would describe the situation,” and I would say, “Pretend that that’s me. What would you tell me would be my best next step? How would you advise me in moving forward and creating a strategy from this point?” The interesting thing is, they tap into the logical side of their brain that has been shut down because they’re in a place where they’re stuck in their fight, flight or freeze mode. When cortisol is released, when we get into that resistance, it shuts down the executive function of our brain, which allows us to solve problems and it deletes what’s working in our lives. It’s where we see all that we haven’t done. It’s where we focus on the negative, what we haven’t done and the gap versus understanding where we have skills and resources that we can leverage.
Whenever you find yourself in resistance, turn it on yourself. Click To Tweet When we have access to that executive function of our brain, then we have access to the skills and resources that we need in order to solve the problem. When we’re in that other part of our brain, the emotional side of our brain, then we’re not accessing that. We’re deleting all those good things. By asking yourself to get outside the box, to not see it as yourself, but to see that you’re coaching someone else, what would you advise them to do? What would be the very next step that they would do? How would they approach their time? Where would they be prioritizing their activities? You’d be amazed at how that opens up the solutions that you already know.
It is a simple tip, but it’s a great way to coach yourself. We get stuck in our own situation and we can’t see in and around because we’re part of the problem. When doing this, when looking to coach yourself, also, don’t sit in the same chair that you sit in every day. Go to a different place in your office, in your house. Go to Starbucks, Panera or something like that, sit down and pretend that you’re having this conversation with someone else and that their problem is the same problem that you’re looking to overcome. Brainstorm with that person as to what the possible solutions are that they might be able to access to open up the situation.
Your ability to brainstorm gets greater when you get outside of the problem. A technique that’s used is the first solution that you come up with is not always the best solution. I have a great exercise that I do for team building with organizations where they can see this very clearly. Stretch yourself whenever you’re brainstorming ideas to come up with at least four different ideas of solutions to any particular problem. Once you start brainstorming and get past the obvious solutions, then you start getting into some creativity and thinking outside the box. You want to be thinking, “What do they do in other industries?” “What do people do who think differently?” “What would Richard Branson do and how would he approach the situation?”
Put yourself into different mindsets and to different personality types to stretch and change the way that you think and look at a particular situation, that’s going to open up things for you. In coaching yourself, you can ask, what would you advise someone else and then you can also put yourself into the mindset of someone else. Is there someone who is achieving at a high level in your industry? Go ahead and put their hat on and think, “How would they approach the situation? What would they do?” As the last third technique that I’d like to share with you on how you can coach yourself, this is a cool visualization technique that sometimes helps people tap into their inner wisdom. It’s called the Mentor’s Table. You can take a trip to the Mentor’s Table by closing your eyes and visualizing yourself in a peaceful yet powerful place.
You can let it appear or it could be a place that you’ve been to before. Find yourself making your way there. If it’s walking up on a mountain and there appears a big table somewhere, maybe at the beach, wherever it is for you, but somewhere you find yourself walking. Then, you come through a clearing and you come to this table. You sit down at the table and imagine. Ask yourself who is showing up at the table to provide you with some advice for the situation and the questions that you have. You let your mind, whatever comes up, just go with it because someone is going to come to your mind and you’re going to invite them to sit down at the table. You’re going to ask them some questions, what questions do you have for that person who showed up at your table?
They’ve showed up for a reason because they have a piece of advice or knowledge that they want to share with you that’s going to make all the difference in helping you open up a new solution. Be open to whatever comes to your mind because that’s your intuition, your unconscious mind that’s bringing you advice from inside within you, and also from the universe because we’re all connected in some way. This is your inner and outer wisdom that’s speaking to you through that mentor that you’ve chosen for this particular moment. When I did this exercise, it was incredibly powerful because what happened was people who I couldn’t even believe showed up for me and the questions that I was then able to ask them. It enabled me to see the situation from a totally different perspective.
Your ability to brainstorm gets greater when you get outside of the problem. Click To Tweet I was struggling with something and wanting to know whether I should make this investment that was before me. I was a little fearful about what would happen if I invested that level of time, energy and money and whether it would produce what I was looking for because I could be putting that elsewhere. I was nervous and fearful about where that decision could take me. Interesting enough, the right people came up. I’m not going to share who my people are because I don’t want to influence the people that show up for your table. The messages that I got helped me feel clear about my decision making and enabled me to move forward. It was the right decision that I made.
I felt good in the process because I felt clear from entering and taking the advice from that Mentor’s Table. That’s up to you whether you take the advice or not, but that will come to you in this process. Those are three tips that we talked about on how to coach yourself. That’s asking yourself, what would you advise someone else in your particular situation. Two is putting yourself in the shoes of someone who’s already successful, somebody you admire, who’s achieving the level of success that you’re looking for in that particular area and put their hat on. Three is go to the Mentor’s Table and see who shows up to provide you with advice and enable you to ask questions.
I hope that you found this valuable. I’m sharing with you some of the inner secrets and inner things that I do with my coaching clients that have tremendous value and tremendous impact for them and they’re getting the outcome that they want as a result. Putting these into practice can make a big difference for you if you find yourself in resistance or stuck and you want to get out of that place of being stuck. Please do provide your comments. Let me know how this has supported you. Put in the comment who came up at your Mentor’s Table when you did this. I’ll also put together a little handout and a download sheet that you could use to take notes and guide you through that Mentor’s Table process. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for dedicating and investing the time to find new tips, tricks and techniques that are going to help you in the future to Take Back Time.